Aviation Humor

I know that these are posted in various places around the net but this is the best list that I've seen so far and just had to re-post it here.

Enjoy!

Aircraft Service Requests and Responses

Problem as Reported: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Service Response: Evidence removed.

Problem as Reported: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Service Response: Volume set to more believable level.

Problem as Reported: Main tire on left inside almost needs replacement.
Service Response: Left inside tire almost replaced.

Problem as Reported: No. 3 engine missing.
Service Response: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem as Reported: Mouse in cockpit.
Service Response: Cat installed.

Problem as Reported: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Service Response: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Problem as Reported: Something loose in cockpit.
Service Response: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem as Reported: Dead bugs on windshield.
Service Response: Live bugs on back-order.

Problem as Reported: Aircraft acting funny.
Service Response: Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, fly right, and be serious."

Problem as Reported: IFF inoperative.
Service Response: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem as Reported: No. 2 ADF needle runs wild.
Service Response: Caught and tamed No. 2 ADF needle.

Problem as Reported: Suspected crack in windshield.
Service Response: Suspect you're right.

Problem as Reported: Three roaches in cabin.
Service Response: Two roaches killed, one wounded and missing in action.
Problem as Reported: Radar hums.
Service Response: Reprogrammed radar with words.

Problem as Reported: The autopilot doesn't.
Service Response: It does now.

Problem as Reported: Pilot's clock inoperative.
Service Response: Wound clock.

Problem as Reported: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Service Response: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem as Reported: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
Service Response: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.

Problem as Reported: Unfamiliar noise coming from No. 2 engine.
Service Response: Ran engine for two hours. Noise now familiar.

Problem as Reported: Noise coming from No. 2 engine. Sounds like a man with a little hammer.
Service Response: Took little hammer away from man in No. 2 engine.

Problem as Reported: Whinney noise coming from No. 2 engine compartment.
Service Response: Returned little hammer to man in No. 2 engine.

Problem as Reported: Weather radar went ape.
Service Response: Opened radar, let ape out.

Problem as Reported: Whinning sound heard on engine shutdown.
Service Response: Pilot removed from aircraft.